Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize