I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
