I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
