She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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