so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
