You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
