FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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