is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
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A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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