no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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