I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
