I didn't shave. On purpose
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i may or may not be watching the land before time
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
