24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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