Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Randomize
