Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
