Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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