that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize