she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
