were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
