I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
