I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
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I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize