just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize