My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
