i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
