it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
