a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
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Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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