If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
