yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
