Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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