I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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