I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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