is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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