i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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