i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
