You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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