i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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