Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
