Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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