Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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