youre lurking in front of me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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