Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
