I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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