Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
her vagine was all disorganized.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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