Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
