You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
