Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
