god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
