someone owes me an orgasm
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
