i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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