Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
