Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
