I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
