i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
