Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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