i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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