I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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