I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
