we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
