so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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