It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
