How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
