Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
