I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize