Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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