Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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