I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
