I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
