I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
