There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?