Texts From Last Night

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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.

  (951): View more from California

  sound pretty economical

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  (434): Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood. (951): sound pretty economical http://tfl.nu/xtyc
  Replies (11) Good night (3174) Bad night (689)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.

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  (570): If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning. http://tfl.nu/0ep2
  Replies (27) Good night (988) Bad night (6482)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass

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  (513): I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass http://tfl.nu/na0v
  Replies (16) Good night (2471) Bad night (1284)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.

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  (570): 11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college. http://tfl.nu/tbx5
  Replies (9) Good night (3242) Bad night (1148)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.

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  (919): sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer. http://tfl.nu/u6do
  Replies (13) Good night (6304) Bad night (1497)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car

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  (412): At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car http://tfl.nu/wr7k
  Replies (9) Good night (1994) Bad night (1192)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.

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  (705): Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences. http://tfl.nu/318s
  Replies (2) Good night (2350) Bad night (893)
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  (559): View more from California

  there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.

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  (559): there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap. http://tfl.nu/jpym
  Replies (11) Good night (2664) Bad night (1007)
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  (209): View more from California

  This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!

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  (209): This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ! http://tfl.nu/qsnl
  Replies (7) Good night (1949) Bad night (693)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!

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  (541): I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed! http://tfl.nu/rzlj
  Replies (13) Good night (761) Bad night (2465)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.

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  (847): That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy. (847): You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth. http://tfl.nu/gv40
  Replies (12) Good night (2116) Bad night (778)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose

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  (262): You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose http://tfl.nu/d8zc
  Replies (7) Good night (1656) Bad night (961)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.

  (1-757): View more from Virginia

  Wait, that's an option?

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  (757): YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE. (1-757): Wait, that's an option? http://tfl.nu/2xp5
  Replies (5) Good night (1475) Bad night (466)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You had 10 drinks. On a first date.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I just masterbated then started bawling.

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  (571): I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it (812): You had 10 drinks. On a first date. (571): I just masterbated then started bawling. http://tfl.nu/gbak
  Replies (2) Good night (474) Bad night (935)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.

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  (586): Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed. http://tfl.nu/40ub
  Replies (3) Good night (424) Bad night (771)

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