yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
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dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
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Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND