Texts From Last Night

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  (334): View more from Alabama

  babies were throwing up all over the place

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  (334): babies were throwing up all over the place http://tfl.nu/onjb
  Replies (10) Good night (559) Bad night (2573)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.

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  (215): She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz" (267): So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning. (215): Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again. http://tfl.nu/rcrj
  Replies (28) Good night (612) Bad night (3112)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.

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  (269): I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience. http://tfl.nu/m1cq
  Replies (29) Good night (1153) Bad night (6529)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.

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  (972): Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight. http://tfl.nu/7ped
  Replies (11) Good night (3604) Bad night (1344)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Operation Purity has been aborted

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  (306): Operation Purity has been aborted http://tfl.nu/jf4h
  Replies (24) Good night (6497) Bad night (1250)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.

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  (716): I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward. http://tfl.nu/2euk
  Replies (5) Good night (2200) Bad night (829)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.

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  (815): He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet. http://tfl.nu/dtlg
  Replies (6) Good night (2376) Bad night (1745)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'

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  (501): She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!' http://tfl.nu/emq3
  Replies (12) Good night (4534) Bad night (1363)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck

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  (217): I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck http://tfl.nu/cg9j
  Replies (12) Good night (3416) Bad night (867)
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  (925): View more from California

  She still cant shoot whiskey?

  (925): View more from California

  Im having serious doubts about this relationship

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  (925): She still cant shoot whiskey? (925): Im having serious doubts about this relationship http://tfl.nu/o90t
  Replies (3) Good night (1280) Bad night (678)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse

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  (631): I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse http://tfl.nu/4qxw
  Replies (14) Good night (678) Bad night (1351)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!

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  (+44): Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome! http://tfl.nu/jhr8
  Replies (2) Good night (1945) Bad night (423)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??

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  (319): Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE?? http://tfl.nu/27co
  Replies (4) Good night (569) Bad night (429)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...

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  (520): Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour... http://tfl.nu/y7yu
  Replies (5) Good night (270) Bad night (796)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.

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  (306): oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear... (1-306): I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing. http://tfl.nu/2wjm
  Replies (5) Good night (613) Bad night (200)

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