i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
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Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic