While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
