I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
