I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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