So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
