Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
