Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
