I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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