It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
